The evidence for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' truth claims is not conclusive, but it is compelling. While I cannot prove that the Church is definitively true beyond a reasonable doubt, there is great space for belief. To pretend otherwise is disingenuous.

The first time I read the CES Letter and started listening to Mormon Stories, I felt convinced these were sincere former members of the Church raising genuine concerns. When I found out how much of what is on Mormon Stories and in the CES Letter is narrative manipulation and disinformation, I felt betrayed. Critics use a series of falsehoods and misleading statements that build in order to draw incorrect conclusions. I was in a vulnerable state of truth-seeking, and I could feel the critics trying to take advantage of me. Some critics act the part of neutral third-party truth seekers, and I was stupid for long enough to believe them. They completely deceived me and thousands of other questioning Latter-day Saints. How am I supposed to trust the critics anymore?

Jeremy Runnels cleverly disguises what the CES Letter truly is: a collection of anti-Mormon arguments delivered via doubt bombing. I’m sure Jeremy was earnest in his gospel questions at one point, but that man was long gone by the time the letter was published in April 2013. 

When I tried to leave, the Book of Mormon stumped me. It stumps the critics, too. The malicious and sincere critics alike struggle to develop a compelling theory of how it came into existence. The best they can do is mentally reconstruct some complicated and convoluted scenario of how Joseph created the Book of Mormon. If I believed the critics, I would have to believe that Joseph Smith was a manipulative, horny con man that was so bad at his con that he built the most Christ-centered church and people in the latter days. Usually, the theory critics pose is more unbelievable than an angel giving golden plates to Joseph. No skeptic, after desperate attempts for 200 years, has ever given a model that explains the Book of Mormon in a convincing way.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is highly successful at generating stronger families, less divorce, longer lives, higher life satisfaction, healthier people, better outcomes for adolescents and young adults, less domestic abuse, less sexual violence, less juvenile delinquency, less depression, more community, less loneliness, more purpose, better outcomes for sexual minorities, and higher rates of reported happiness. Throw all that away, the critics insist. For what? Satisfy every immediate desire, damned be my wife, kids, community, and my future self? A nihilistic life without meaning? A life without hope? Without Christ? Is that what the critics suggest is the good life? Do they realize how ridiculous that sounds? The critics want to take everything away from me and give me nothing in return. No thanks. That’s a bad trade.

When my faith journey started, I was an easy target for critics. I already did not believe in God, and I already experienced the pain of telling my wife I was leaving. All that the critics had to do was show me that there was more light and truth outside of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And they completely failed. I had way more unanswered questions outside the Church than I do inside.

My remaining questions are now part of my faith with new and exciting insights unfolding every day. Being an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the best decision of my life. I feel close to God, I feel peace, and I have purpose.

The more I learned and understood complex historical issues, modern controversial policies, and God’s plan for us, the more answers to questions that once puzzled me became crystal clear. I still do not have all the answers to my gospel questions, and that’s okay. God has given me the space I need for belief. And I believe.

I was a boy and followed the trail,
Priesthood, mission, and wedding tale.

As a man, I sought more light and truth,
I looked everywhere for sources of proof.

The journey was painful and took some time,
There was a mountain of doubt I had to climb.

With surprise, I see how far I’ve come,
And I’ve ended back where I started from.

The Journey Back

– Austin Fife

Footnotes

1. Farrer, Austin. “Grete Clerk.” in Light on C. S. Lewis, compiled by Jocelyn Gibb, Harcourt and Brace, 1965, p. 26. ↩